Saturday: DGM Cross solo shoot
Sunday: Crack session at Drefan's place and Tron with Huiwei and gang
Monday: lunch outing with Anu and Chris

Tuesday: free~~~

I took the free time to do some thinking, especially over the little incident over the phone on Saturday. I admit i have no life

First thing... Read this, it will provide better understanding because i'm guilty of almost every trait stated.

Why so serious?
I did ask myself why i behaved like i did last Monday. I went back to the basics.

Why are we doing this? Coz we want decent photos right?
How are we doing this? Photoshoot duh.
Who is handling this? Nobody took charge. In fact, i got questioned several times whether i'm doing the job. How many times did i proclaim that i was not 'leader'? How many times did i reject taking on the position?

BUT the ball was not rolling... SOMEBODY has to give it a push so i volunteered given the benefit of doubt that everyone else has no idea how. If not, this thing won't be done by the end of 2010.

I have a habit of finishing something before moving to the next. Since i somehow 'took charge', i gotta finish the job. Like stated in the link, i have high expectations of myself and i would expect the same out of the team. Bad idea, it's either you die doing it or i torture you to death. COSPLAY IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. At least in my books. I want it to look its best by giving in my best. Explains why i tend to stress myself sick meeting deadlines. But nothing beats the satisfaction when you see the result in a form you would be proud to frame or hang up. I'm sure that is what all of us want. So it will be my job to make sure that happens. I don't hope for things to happen, i make them happen.

When i'm serious, it's never pretty. A number of people can vouch for that. Worse when i need to get my point across, I will be a bitch and bark. Literally. Because i know the term 老虎不发威 把我当病猫 very well. I have been taken advantage of too many times coz i'm way too nice in the past.

Why you so quiet?
It can mean a few things.
1. I really have no comment.
2. My brain paused for a while to process.
3. I'm trying to keep my cool.
4. Any combination of the above.

The meeting held last Monday was not fruitful from my view. Nothing came out of it except confirmation of the shoot split into 2 halves. A meeting is the best way to express your views on any issue, not for you to keep quiet and pretend to be engrossed. Conflicts can occur during meetings, that's good as we share our different points of view. Even though we try our best to avoid conflicts, i personally find it an effective way to make people remember. Go figure.

But... we just wanna have fun
I think this has been discussed before. What is your definition of "fun"? Different from mine right? If i don't bring it up, how would you know we think differently?

You also notice the word "we" comes into the picture, meaning more than 1 person is involved AKA a group. Being in a group is all about communication and cooperation. It falls apart if either one aspect is missing. WHY DO I NEED TO TEACH PEOPLE THINGS YOU LEARNED DURING KINDERGARTEN? In our case, it's mainly communication. The amount of time i spent helping Anu with her Kanda increased our understanding of each other. We talk, we communicate. That's why we are able to think on the same frequency. Even though Saturday's shoot was her first, i personally think she has outdone herself and should be proud. Now i know she can be on her own until something new pops up.

Someone is not happy with what was going on and did not speak up. HELLO, WE CAN'T READ YOUR MIND HOR. If you don't say out, how are we suppose to know and fix it? No say no action, simple. So what if the process went ugly? We get the job done right? Somebody's gotta do it.. 死不了的。

我要是真的那么小气，我不用等到那次才生气。

It gets ugly if you don't say it out, it angers people even more than being yelled at.

The typical answer to this scenario would be "and you didn't say..?"

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 8:03 PM